Archiv der Kategorie 'Allgemein'

This blog is dead.

But don‘t worry, here’s a new and vastly improved one:

When I say see I mean sense.

I trust you to find beauty in your own ways.

Maybe you remember the blog posts I wrote about Dobby’s and Dumbledore’s deaths in Harry Potter. I meant to write another one about Sirius‘ death, but found it impossible to do so as long as I tried to explain what was wrong about it and didn‘t look at what was beautiful. I don‘t have to explain it to you, because I trust you to find beauty in your own ways. I can‘t show you, I can just tell you it’s there for me.

I don‘t worry about spoiling the books for you for exactly the same reasons. If I know who dies and I think that is wrong, I won‘t want to read the books. If I read the books in order to find beauty or clarity or joy or truth, I am confident that I will find it.

That’s why there are no bad books for me now. I can read and enjoy any book in the world on my terms, and I don‘t try to do it on the authors‘ or my literature professors‘ terms any more. Not because I am smarter, just because I am me. I can open a book in a language I have never heard before, full of symbols I have never seen before, and I will find beauty in it.

I live in a world of abundance. My life is so beautiful this way that I don‘t worry about death. Even if other ways would lengthen my life, loosing my sense of wonder isn‘t worth it.

I follow joy into clarity

I used to think of sense as truth, and I suspected that there was one truth for this universe. That made me stress, because I thought I had to find this one whole undividable universal truth in order to make sense of my life. It was as if my happiness depended on my ability to solve an unimaginably huge puzzle that I could never hope to have all the pieces for.

I discovered that I value my joy more than truth, and this became my sense instead. Since I can tell just by paying attention to myself whether or not I enjoy something, joy is easy for me to pursue. Now I no longer view information as pieces of a puzzle that fit together in exactly and only one way and that have a predefined picture on it. I view them as mosaic tiles, and I can arrange them in ways that I enjoy.

Even as I thought I was trying to solve a puzzle of universal proportions, I did it by arranging the pieces of information I had. I recieve information from the world through my senses, and I receive information from my senses through the sense of thought. That’s why I feel my brain to be in perfect harmony with my heart. If my brain is my main organ of interpreting information, and if my heart is my main organ of distributing energy, then it makes sense for them to work together so the brain can guide my heart to pump life-blood into my toes as well as my eyebrows, and my heart can tell my brain how to guide the toes and eyebrows to letting the blood flow through in wonderful, life creating ways.

I don‘t need to know exactly how my brain and heart and toes and eyebrows manage to create life and wonder and beauty and joy in order to feel it when I pay attention to myself.

I enjoy life when I feel safe, that is confident that I can meet my needs now and in the future. I know myself to be part of this world, and to me it is a world of abundance, full of energy in different and everchanging forms — sunlight, cherries, dung beetles, rivers, clay, polecats, birch trees, and a billion other things. I view all matter as a form of energy, and I feel energy constantly transforming into new and beautiful forms, constantly composing new life.

I figured this out by paying attention to cherries. I love eating them, and I want to make sure that I can eat them in the future. I have found that the easiest way for me to do so is to not cast my shit in a steel container. That would make it hard for dung beetles to find. There are a myriad of forms of life that thrive on the forms of energy I cannot thrive on, and they ingest and transform and release it in ways that all feed on and into this wonderful complex awe-inspiring web of cycles that I call the universe. All I have to do is release the energy I can no longer use, my breath and my other excrements, and trees and dung beetles and other beautiful lives will transform it until it reaches the cherry tree. I know that it will sooner or later reach the cherries because I am not trying to change the cycles that are right now creating perfectly tasty and healthy food for me. I don‘t try to control life because I can‘t solve the puzzle, so me meddling in what the dung beetles and trees know how to do would probably not result in cherries. It may result in something even better, but that is difficult for me to concieve right now, and the chances of it going badly wrong are too high. I may end up in a world were I have to eat parsley.

I can‘t concieve of anything existentially destructive happening, Cause there’s no power in the ‚verse can stop it.
I‘m rearranging my mosaic tiles as I type. I now think that there is a bundle of energy that I call the universe, and I don‘t know how big it really is, but it is all energy in different forms. Just like I view the cells of my body as myself in tangible forms, so I view myself as the universe in a tangible form. I feel as connected with all other forms of the universe as my cells feel connected to each other. It’s difficult to tell where one begins and the other ends, because my skin is permeable and soft. To me, that is the beauty of life.

I have heard similar views of the world from a lot of very different sources, like higher physics and the bible and Asian philosophies, but as long as I thought of worldviews as puzzles rather than mosaics, I constantly worried that I was missing some vital pieces. Or that in the end, I wouldn‘t like the picture the puzzle forms or my place in it. Now I can arrange the tiles in ways that show me beauty and make me feel joy about my place in the world.

Clarity is what guides us. I follow joy, because I know what it is for me. But as long as you know what you are following is to you, it will lead you to clarity. So I‘m not saying all of these things because I know what truth or justice or goodness or holiness is, but because this is where my joy led me. That to me is clarity.

I realise now that I could have followed my truth or my justice or my goodness or my holiness instead and it would have led me to the same world I am in right now. Just like I couldn‘t have solved the universal puzzle of joy, so I could have created a beautiful mosaic of my truth. When I say my holiness, I am saying holiness as I relate to it.

I‘ve heard it said that genious is taking already existing ideas and combining them in beautiful ways. That’s all I‘m doing.

I view the world as endless opportunities to create my own mosaics rather than challenges to solve universal puzzles.

I didn‘t realise it at the time, but I started this blog in order to increase clarity and joy. It worked for me, and I posted it in order to share with you. I want to concentrate on the offline world that is full of sunlight and cherries, but as long as the internet exists and I have access to it, I will probably come back from time to time and share more. The internet is part of the offline world, after all.

So even if you don‘t read what I write, we are part of the same bundle of energy, and we can nourish each other.

You can share any of this.

New: Now with comments!

I‘m new to this whole „blogging“ thing. I only just realised that I had to ‚accept‘ comments before they would appear on my blog, and that there were in fact already three comments, patiently waiting for weeks. Rectified now! You can comment without me having to click any buttons.

…and there I was, wondering why nobody commented.